Mountain Cave Chronicles
by Insanity Strikes Thrice
Summary: SSX3. The guys think the girls are highmaintenance. The girls think the guys are insensitive. Atomika thinks it’s the end of the world. Characters OOC. First SSX fic, please R&R.
1. In Which Everybody Has Cooties

Mountain Cave Chronicles

Summary: SSX-3. The guys think the girls are high-maintenance. The girls think the guys are insensitive. Atomika thinks it's the end of the world. First SSX fic, please R&R.

Disclaimer: I don't own SSX-3. If I did, Mac wouldn't have any shirts.

A/N: Hi everyone. This is my first SSX fic. It's just a bit of randomness, really, but I haven't posted anything in a while. By the way, sorry to all my faithful readers of my two Lost stories, but I'm really stumped for ideas on those right now. They will be continued, though, I promise. Also, me and my friend Fantasy-Flyer (read _In the Ditch of Affection_, seriously. It rocks) kind ofdecided that Mac and Marty were twins (I guess it's because we couldn't find his last name anywhere. Oh well, from what you can tell they look sort of alike, but Mac is hotter). There will be pairings by the end of this, but I'm not sure exactly which ones yet. Anyway, here you go-

Chapter One: In Which Everybody Has Cooties

_Fraser,_

_Let me get to the point- stop throwing snowballs at me! Do you know how much I pay to have my hair styled? My clothes imported? My makeup done? Of course you do! We only went out for like, what, THREE YEARS! I mean, I know you're still like, totally in love with me and all, but I've moved on, okay? Just stop trying to get me back! You know what you did and you know why I won't have you back! YOU CALLED ME FAT!_

_Anyway, I'm with JP now, and I'm happy now. MUCH happier than I ever was with YOU. Got it, sk8er? GOOD! Now LEAVE. ME. ALONE!_

_-Marisol_

_P.S. You are a LOSER!_

_P.P.S. I HATE YOU!_

_P.P.P.S. I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!_

_P.P.P.P.S. In case you didn't know, I hate you!_

Sighing, Mac Fraser tossed what had to be at least the thirtieth hate-mail message from Marisol Diez Diegado that week into the trash can with all its predecessors. A year after the breakup, and she was still doing this. He was over her- if anything, _she_ was still in love with _him_.

"Another letter, man?" asked Moby Jones from the couch.

Mac nodded. "Yeah. This chick just doesn't know when to quit. She's never gonna get me back."

"Some people," his friend agreed, "What exactly did you do, again?"

"Funny story, actually," replied Mac, "You see, we went to this movie about a year ago, right? It was our anniversary and all that crap-"

"Anniversary and all that crap?" repeated Mac's annoying twin brother Marty, who had just walked into the room, "No wonder she broke up with you!"

Mac scowled. "Shut up. Anyway, she got the tickets while I went to get the food. I ordered a large popcorn that we could share, then two cokes, one diet. We met up and headed into the theatre, found some seats, made out for a while… she is a really bad kisser, actually. I mean, BAD. I guess she just likes to save it all for… well, what comes after, I gotta say, THAT was pretty good-"

It was then that he realized that there were people in the room, one of which was his brother who was on much better terms with both their parents than he was. What a mistake to make.

"So yeah, we stopped making out and I was like, 'Hey Baby, here's your diet coke' and then she was like, 'Oh my God, you think I'm fat!' and the next thing I knew, she was gone and I was covered in diet coke. That stuff is bad, by the way. Well, for no sugar it's okay, I guess, but you can't compare it to a regular-"

Viggo Rollig, one of the other guys in the room, shook his head. "Let me clue you in, amigo- _you don't know chicks_!"

Mac shrugged. "I know them better than Marty does."

"Shut up," muttered Marty under his breath.

Nate Logan shook his head. "Don't worry, Mart; no one knows chicks. I mean, there was this one time when Elise and I were an item-"

"Oh!" exclaimed Psymon Stark, jumping out of his chair, "I know this one! She broke up with you because you referred to the 'special and indispensable bond' and the 'intimate, tender relationship' as an _item_!"

Yet another guy, Eddie Wachowski, frowned. "No, that can't be it."

"Actually," Nate sighed, "Yeah."

"Been there," agreed Mac as he slumped onto the couch between Moby and Viggo. Actually, he _hadn't_ been there, but he'd seen it on TV.

Brodi Case took the opportunity to stand up (well, as best he could, considering he'd just downed his fourth can of beer). "Kaori dumped me because I left the toilet seat up."

The boys took this cue without considerable difficulty, responding with a course of "Oh!", "Boo!", "Ow!", and "Ooooh…"

Next up was JP Arsenault. "I wore an orange shirt with turquoise pants, and Seeiah dumped me!"

More exclamations. Mac, however, shook his head. "She didn't dump you. _You _dumped _her_ because she shaved her head!"

"Yeah, well," snarled JP, "I'm with Marisol now! Ha!"

"Ooooooooooh!"

All eyes were on Mac now. Frankly, he was quite glad none of the guys were gay… as far as he knew, anyway. But he had the perfect comeback.

"Yeah, there's something I've been meaning to give you," he replied, "I mean, you're her new boyfriend, you're the only one who has the right to them."

He pulled himself off the couch and back to the counter. A slight smile playing on his face, he opened the top drawer, pulled out a small package, and tossed it to JP.

Marisol's unfortunate new victim stared at the box in disbelief. "_Earplugs_!"

Mac nodded. "Extra strength. Also, after you wear them a few times, they customize themselves to fit your ears."

"Allegra dumped me because I didn't want to exercise with her," growled the fat lug Luther Dwayne Grady, bringing them back to the topic of how annoying girls were.

Hiro Karamatsu raised an eyebrow. "She was your personal trainer!"

"Yeah, at least he had that much," moaned Marty, "Zoe won't even _look_ at me!"

"It's because you look like Mac," answered JP.

"Take that back!" yelled both Mac and Marty in unison.

Jurgen Angermann, the only one over thirty there, laughed. "Oh, looky here, boys- double trouble!"

"Well, whatever!" Mac snapped as he ran to the center of the room and stepped onto the coffee table, "We're at war here!"

Psymon's eyes drooped. "Yeah, a _snowball_ war. Can we get some explosives now, pleeeeease? Just some lousy fireworks, even smoke bombs, stink bombs…"

Mac bit his lip. "If you wanna raid Griff's room, do it on your own time. Anyway, those chicks are the enemy- Allegra, Elise, Zoe, Kaori, Seeiah, Marisol. And I hate to say it, JP, but I gotta propose a new rule."

"And what's that?" inquired Viggo, taking a sip of beer.

Mac grinned. "No dating the enemy."

"Yeah!" roared the majority.

"No!" gasped JP.

"We can't be perfect!" shouted Moby, standing up.

"They don't want imperfect!" agreed Nate, also standing.

Viggo got up and exclaimed in a high-pitched voice, "You think I'm fat!"

Marty flipped his hair and scowled. "Were you looking at her?"

Brodi examined his fingernails, then looked Mac over. "Those clothes clash!"

Eddie pressed his hands to his face in mock-outrage. "_Item_? You think we're an _item_!"

"We're through! Get out! I never want to see you again!"

Psymon jumped to his feet. "I like bombs!"

Everyone was so used to this by now that they managed to ignore it.

"Girls have cookies!" shouted Luther.

The rest of them stared at him.

"Cookies?" repeated Marty.

"If you can call those low-fat pieces of crap 'cookies', then yeah," Moby sneered.

"Luther," addressed Mac, "You're very drunk; but I know what you mean. Allow me to translate, and to shout your wisdom to the world. GIRLS HAVE COOTIES!"

If any guys weren't standing, they were now. "HELL YEAAAAAAAAAAH!"

And so it was that every guy on the SSX circuit- with the exception of JP, who no one really liked that much anyway- commenced in a Congo line around Mac and Marty's room, moving to the chant of "Gir-irls have cooTIES! Gir-irls have cooTIES!"

JP left.

oOoOoOo

"I HATE MAC!" screamed Marisol Diez Diegado.

"WE KNOW!" belted back the room's five other female occupants. They were all hanging out and, needless to say, there were quite a few empty cans of beer lying around.

"She's got a point, though," admitted Allegra Sauvegess grudgingly, "Mac's a jerk. He whistles at me whenever I pass him on the slopes, and then I lose concentration and he gets ahead again."

"They all are," agreed Zoe Payne, "Did I ever tell you about the time I went out with Moby? He spent the whole evening talking to my breasts! I doubt he even knows my hair color."

Elise Riggs shook her head. "Zo- _we _don't even know your hair color."

Scowling, Zoe chucked a nearby pillow at her, but she'd had a bit too much to drink, so it ended up hitting Marisol instead. No one complained.

"Anyway," Elise continued, "You know how Nate and I were in that intimate, tender relationship and had that special, indispensable bond? Well, I heard him telling Marty and Viggo that we were an _item_!"

"He didn't!" gasped Kaori Nishidake, "That's a new low, even for him! That's even worse than when Brodi duct-taped the toilet seat up."

Marisol shook her head. "Men! Mac was the biggest mistake of my life- I'm just glad I have JP now."

"Oh, he's bad," insisted Seeiah Owens, "He broke up with me because I shaved my head. So shallow- I mean, it was for cancer research!"

"I know," Kaori sighed, "What kind of jerk does that to a girl who's selfless enough to shave her head for cancer?"

"Guys don't want selfless," muttered Allegra bitterly, "They don't want kind, sweet, generous, etcetera. All they care about is hot bodies."

Elise nodded in agreement. "Believe me, sometimes I wish I wasn't so hot. When you're hot, they expect you to put out."

Zoe shook her head. "Outrageous. Men are such idiots!"

Seeiah nodded. "And now they started that snowball war with us. How low can they go?"

"Quite," Allegra answered, "Anyway, here's what I'm thinking. Mac, Viggo, Marty, Moby, Nate, JP, Psymon, Brodi, Eddie, Hiro, Jurgen, Luther… no date pact. None of us date any of them."

"Yeah!" roared the majority.

"No!" gasped Marisol.

"Oh, come on!" urged Zoe.

Knowing it was useless to urge Marisol that way, Allegra headed toward her and grinned like any horny guy would. "Hey, Marisol, baby," she slurred in the best New York accent she could do, "Here's your diet coke. You gotta drop a size; I like 'em model thin."

Even Marisol was laughing (although it could've been just the alcohol).

"Great Mac impression!" exclaimed Kaori, "I've always wondered if Mac's accent is real or fake, actually. Anyone know?"

They all shook their heads.

Marisol turned to Elise. "See, this is great, honey! We're a real _item_!"

In turn, Elise started to stare at Zoe's chest. "So, what do you want to order, doll?" she began in a British accent, "I think I'll have some tea, with two heaving lumps of sugar. And they better be sweet, love."

"Seeiah, honey," muttered Zoe as she took her turn, "I'm sorry, but I need a chick with some hair on her head. You're the sweetest, most caring person in the world, but I don't need that. I need someone with hot hair and a hot body."

"Hey!" exclaimed Marisol, "He's not like that!"

Facing Kaori, Seeiah smiled. "Hey, angel face! I fixed the toilet! Now the seat won't get in the way anymore!"

Kaori rolled her eyes. "Boys have cooties!"

The girls all leapt to their feet. "Yeah!"

And so it was that every girl on the SSX circuit- with the exception of Marisol, who no one really liked that much anyway- commenced in a Congo line around Allegra and Elise's room, moving to the chant of "Boy-oy-oys have cooTIES! Boy-oy-oys have cooTIES!"

Marisol left.

oOoOoOo

There were only two people staying at the lodge who weren't cool enough to be invited to either room number thirteen of Mac and Marty or room number twenty-three of Allegra and Elise. One of them was Psymon's roommate, Griff Simmons. Griff was twelve years old, and it was way past his bedtime; he was a growing boy, and needed his sleep. Needless to say, Psymon wanted to know who chose the roommates.

The other one was Eddie's roommate, and he was old enough to stay up as late as he wanted; in fact, he was even older than Jurgen. His name was Atomika, and he was the local DJ. No one knew how old he was or what his last name was- all they knew was that he was crazy.

_But I'm not crazy_, Atomika thought to himself as he took a book from his shelf, _They don't know what they're talking about. As a matter of fact, my mommy says I'm very special._

He beamed at the book cover. Even though it was only about three years old, it was tattered from being read countless times over and over again. Yes… _Global Catastrophe: Preparing for the World's End_ by Dr. Pierre A. Noydd. This book was his savior- if he had never read it, he would have never thought to make sure there was a spacious network of tunnels and caverns equipped with a substantial supply of essential goods hollowed out beneath the three peaks of Big Mountain.

Smiling, Atomika hugged the book, as he did every night, placed it back on the shelf, and climbed into his bed. Oh yes… he was prepared for the end of the world.

A/N: Yeah, that was… odd. Oh well. A little oddness never hurt anyone. Sorry there's not much of a plot yet, but there will be, I promise. Thanks for reading, and please review.


	2. In Which Atomika Saves the Day

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own SSX-3. Yet (_grins evilly_).

A/N: Well, first off, I must thank the reviewers-

Endefaerante: I'm glad you like it. I hope you continue to like it.

Chiffon: Thanks for the fun fact. I've only played SSX 3, so I'm not really sure what the other characters are like, but I wanted to include as many as possible so I just glanced at the trading cards and stuff (hard to read when the Gamecube is hooked up to a six by three inch portable DVD player). I'm glad you think it's good so far. I hope you like this chapter too.

elmo-x-takumi: Good the hear you think it had a solid beginning. I'm relieved to hear people think this is funny; I was kind of worried when I posted this, actually. I didn't know where people drew the line between funny and just plain stupid, but I'm glad this is on the right side, if only just.

Fantasy-Flyer: Blockbuster? I'm flattered. Glad you like it so much.

Just a little note… I've had some people say the pairings were a little weird. Don't worry; Mac and Marisol used to go out, but they're not getting back together. I haven't quite worked out the pairings yet, but I'm ninety-nine percent sure none of the pairs who've been established as exes, such as Mac/Marisol, JP/Seeiah, and Brodi/Kaori, will be among the final couples. Anyway, here's the next chapter- enjoy!

Chapter Two: In Which Atomika Saves the Day

Frowning, JP crossed his arms. "Come on, guys! Why can't I come into the fort?"

"Show him the sign, Moby," ordered Mac, putting down the miniature pair of neon green binoculars he'd found at the bottom of his cereal box that morning.

Moby nodded, then revealed to JP the piece of cardboard on which he had scrawled "No Girls Allowed" in red permanent marker.

"Ha ha," JP groaned, "That's so funny I forgot to laugh."

"But you said 'Ha ha'," Mac argued, "That sounds like laughin' to me."

"Does to me to," agreed Moby.

JP kicked the snow angrily. "Damn elementary school comebacks!"

"Hey!" yelled Mac, grabbing a snowball, "You almost dented the fort!"

His ex-girlfriend's boyfriend's lip was trembling. "You guys are mean!"

Mac grinned as his arch-nemesis ran off. "Sucker."

"Victims approaching," whispered Moby, who had picked up the binoculars, "Quick! Duck behind the wall of the fort!"

Through the tiny hole in the fort's front wall, two female competitors, Allegra Sauvegess and Zoe Payne, could be seen heading up to the lodge. Allegra was talking on a cell phone and Zoe had her M-Com clipped to her belt and earphones in place.

"Look at them!" laughed Moby, "I bet Allegra's talking to her boyfriend! Some poor sucker trying to make the tour, no doubt."

"Who do you think Zoe's listening to?" asked Mac, "James Blunt? Five for Fighting?"

Moby shrugged. "Some easy listening romantic crap along those lines. Got a snowball?"

"Yep."

"Ready?"

"Aim…"

"_FIRE_!"

Both of them sprang up and began hurling snowballs at the two unsuspecting victims, who responded with a string of shrieks and cusses. One direct hit… two direct hits… three… four… five, six, seven…

"OH GOD, THAT'S COLD!" yelled Moby in Mac's ear after being hit in the face with a particularly large snowball.

So maybe they _did_ do more than shriek and cuss…

"Stop it!" Mac hollered, "You're gonna break the fort! Do you know how long it took us to make it!"

"That's three hours of our lives we're never gonna see again!" added Moby as one of Zoe's snowballs smashed down part of the wall.

"You call that a fort?" demanded Zoe as she and Allegra began running toward them, "That's the worst fort I've ever seen! _Griff_ could make better!"

Mac scowled. "No way!"

Allegra grinned. "Way."

And then, before he could reply with a simple "Nuh-uh", he was hit smack in the center of the face with a snowball that would have made Calvin and Hobbes proud.

oOoOoOo

"So, are you ready for the race on Gravitude today?" asked Viggo as he sat down at a table with Marty and Nate.

Marty shrugged. "As ready as I can ever be. I mean, Mac's gonna win- _again_."

"Hey, I won the slopestyle competition yesterday!" Nate argued.

Viggo nodded in agreement. "Yeah, and I beat Mac at superpipe last week."

"Yeah, but this is racing. Mac will come in first, Allegra will come in second, and then the bronze spot's open for the taking."

Shrugging, Viggo got up and walked over to the sheet that showed the racing groups. The races worked so that there were eighteen competitors divided into three groups of six to begin with. The groups of six would race, and the top three would stay in the competition. The top three from groups two and three would race each other for the top three spots. Group one, however, was comprised of all the people who had been doing quite well in races lately, and the top three from there were automatically seeded into the final round.

"Okay, well, Jurgen's the scratch," he began.

Nate frowned. "He's always the scratch. Why is that?"

"Because he has no fans, maybe? I don't know. Anyway, Nate, you and I are in group two with Brodi, Griff, Kaori, and Marisol. Marty, you're in group three with Eddie, Hiro, Luther, Psymon, and Zoe."

"YOU COME BACK HERE!"

Viggo raised an eyebrow. "What the-?"

"It came from outside," muttered Marty.

The three of them turned to the windows to see Mac and Moby running past, snowballs flying after them, then, finally, Allegra and Zoe, each carrying an armful of snowballs and regularly throwing them at one of the boys in front.

"Snowball war still on?" asked Nate.

"Yeah," sighed Marty.

Viggo peered out the window and grinned. "Hey! There's Elise, Kaori, and Seeiah!"

Grinning, the three of them quickly finished their lunches and crept outside. Mac and Moby weren't the only ones allowed to have fun.

oOoOoOo

"I smell victory in the air," boasted JP from the third competitor gate.

"I do too," agreed Moby from the fifth, "Know why? It's because we're on either side of Mac!"

Mac grinned. "You got that right!"

Needless to say, Allegra was glad she had been assigned to the first gate. She felt sorry for Elise and Seeiah on either side of the three guys.

"Attention all spectators!" came Atomika's voice from the broadcast booth, "Welcome to Peak Three's Gravitude! And now, meet your SSX competitors! Behind gate number one, Allegra Sauvegess!"

The crowd cheered politely.

"Behind gate number two, Elise Riggs!"

More polite cheering. JP got polite cheering too.

"Behind gate number four, Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac Fraser!"

The crowd went wild. Allegra scowled.

When they finally calmed down, Atomika announced Moby and Seeiah, who also got polite cheering.

"And now, for the SSX race e-"

He was cut off by the ground beginning to shake violently.

"What the-?" yelled Mac.

"We don't usually get earthquakes in this area," Elise muttered.

Allegra nodded. What was going on?

Suddenly, she was pulled back with such force that her board broke on the gate. But who was pulling her back? She was just being dragged through the snow at an alarmingly fast rate.

She glanced to her right. Elise, JP, Mac, Moby, and Seeiah were all beside her, just as they had been before the race was to start. Assumingly that race was cancelled now.

Finally, as they were entering a small cave, her head collided with Elise's and she blacked out.

oOoOoOo

_Seven-year-old Moby Jones skipped up the porch stairs and woke up Bicep, the family dog._

"_Here boy, I got a bone for you!" he exclaimed happily._

"_I don't want bones," growled Bicep, "I want sleep. Get lost."_

_Moby jumped. "Golly! You can talk!"_

_The dog yawned. "So? You can too."_

"_But you're a dog!"_

"_I'm a special dog."_

_Frowning, Moby sat down. "Who are you?"_

_The dog bit him. Moby hit him. Bite, hit, bite, hit…_

_Finally, Moby's hand had fallen off._

"_Obi-wan never told you about your father."_

"_He told me enough; he said you killed him."_

"_No, Moby. I _am_ your father."_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Moby opened his eyes and looked around. Nope, he wasn't seven, and there was no dog in sight.

"Just a dream," he sighed in relief.

He took the time to further register his surroundings. He was lying on a cave floor with Mac, JP, Allegra, Elise, and Seeiah. Weird.

What was weirder was that all the other boarders on the circuit had formed a circle around them.

"What happened?" Moby asked groggily.

"Well, you know there was an earthquake," began Zoe.

Viggo nodded. "We were all up in the broadcast booth with Atomika, and he started freaking out and told us all to get in the cave as quickly as possible."

"He followed us in," continued Marty, "but before he was past the entrance, he turned around, took out this gun thing, and shot out a bunch of little hooks on strings."

"That's how he got you six in," Nate concluded.

Moby felt Mac sit up beside him. "Marty?" he addressed his brother, "What's going on?"

"I'll explain when the rest are up."

One by one, the four remaining riders slowly regained consciousness. As soon as Elise came around, the others explained their story once more.

"Dr. Noydd was right."

All nineteen of them turned to see Atomika coming towards them, carrying a tray of freshly baked cookies. He set it down beside them, then took a seat on the cave floor. "I made enough for each of you to have four. Except you, Marisol, I ate one of yours to make sure they tasted good. Oh, and you, Brodi. And Nate, Griff, Kaori… ah! Allow me to rephrase; there are enough for each of you to have _three_. Or maybe two…"

"We get it, you ate twenty-five to fifty percent of the cookies," Mac interrupted him.

Allegra nodded. "So what's going on here, really?"

"The entrance caved in," Psymon informed them all, "Do you have any dynamite? Can we blast it? Pleeeeeeease?"

"Once the radiation has died down," answered Atomika, "For now, the outside world is not safe. The radiation will have killed everyone else. Unless someone else on earth was prepared like me, which I highly doubt, because I have never met anyone as smart as me before, the twenty of us are the only living things left on this planet."

Zoe shook her head. "Radiation? From an earthquake?"

"Not just any earthquake," the DJ argued, "A _global_ earthquake. An earthquake so huge that the earth's crust has broken apart, allowing radiation from the inner layers of the earth to attack the outside world. This network of caverns I have so smartly hollowed out, is the only safe place left on earth."

Viggo frowned. "Then, how come the crust here isn't broken up as well?"

Atomika opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it. "Well… you see…"

"Yes?" persisted Mac.

"I could tell you," Atomika began, a sudden gleam of brilliance in his eyes, "but since none of you are as smart as me, you couldn't possibly comprehend it. If you want to know more, I recommend reading a book that I have. It's on the shelf in the library."

"You have a _library_?" demanded Elise in disbelief.

"I have everything," he assured her, "Now, this is your room. I'm sorry, I couldn't find any beds, so you'll have to sleep on the floor tonight. I hope you sleep well."

He was gone before anyone could protest. And each and every one of them wanted to protest.

Psymon walked over to one wall of the cavern, then, dragging one foot the whole way, drew a crude line dividing the cavern fifty-fifty… well, seventy-thirty.

"This is the boys' side," he explained, pointing the bigger half, "and that's the girls' side. Everyone stay on their own side. Marisol, JP, that means you too."

Kaori shook her head. "How come you have so much more room than us?"

"Because there are so many more of us," replied Moby.

"Where do I go?" asked Griff.

Allegra pointed to the boys' side. Mac pointed to the girls' side.

"Griff," Seeiah addressed him, "Do you have breasts?"

"No," he answered.

"Do you have a period?"

"No."

"Then you're a boy. You get to go to the boys' side."

"Hey!" protested Psymon, "Stop picking on one of your own just because she hasn't hit puberty yet!"

"_He_," corrected Elise.

Griff ended up right on the line that night. Moby shook his head. It must suck to be a twelve-year-old in a twenty-two-year-old world; a world that was now home to only twenty people.

A/N: Yeah, this story is only going to get weirder from here on in… anyway, thanks for reading! Please review.


End file.
